Before Sunrise
by alena-chan
Summary: Two people must face a great loss and learn to move on with the new changes life has thrown at them... [RaeSpeedy friendshipromance RaeRob]


_**A/N: **Yay… my first Raven/Speedy one-shot and I'm really proud of it… so, a yay for me…_

_Ok, I admit it… it's not really a Raven/Speedy romance one-shot, but it has potential… anyway, just read it and tell me what you think… okay…?_

_And NO flames about pairing… oh, and RaeRob will be mentioned._

_It's a song-fic, so please don't report me… I know that there is a person who gets his/her kicks our of reporting me, because of my song-fics… that's why "Heal me" was taken down… so, please, please, please don't report me…_

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_Kudos to my super-cool and wonderful beta** Cherry Jade**… this girl is just best…_

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_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, neither do I own the song "Blower's Daughter" from Damien Rice** _

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_**Before Sunrise**_

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx****  
**_

Raven sighed as she stood in front of his door.

Suddenly, she didn't know if being here was such a good idea. Maybe he didn't want to see her? Of course, he didn't want to see her, but she had to do this… for… for…_ **him.**_

'Take a deep breath and pull yourself together.' She admonished herself and knocked at the door of the small apartment.

Shortly after her knock, steady footsteps could be heard and the door was pushed open.

_**And so it is  
Just like you said it would be  
**_

"Raven…?" A tall, red-haired young man in his mid-twenty, clad just in grey sweat-pants and a blue long-sleeved shirt, said surprised.

"Speedy… Roy," She nodded at him trying to keep her calm, but she realized that it was impossible to be calm.

"Yeah… uh… surprise…?" She hated how she sounded… so unsure, so small, so unlike herself… or what was left of herself, but most importantly, she hated how he looked at her.

It was not that he looked at her with disgust or hatred… no, he was surprised, but Raven could easily feel that he was also glad and happy to see her.

But that wasn't right. He shouldn't be happy to see her. He should hate her and despise her and…

"You know actually, it's Arsenal now," Raven heard him say and she looked up at him… only to avert her eyes away again.

He wasn't wearing a mask. She could see the color of his eyes. She-

_**Life goes easy on me  
Most of the time**_

"Somehow… I expected you." Roy said wit a small smile. "You remembered, don't you?"

"How could I forget?" Raven said back sadness evident in her voice.

For a moment, Roy regarded her – took in all of her and how she had changed.

Her once short purple hair was now down to her waist. Her blue leotard was replaced with a white version. A familiar gold and ruby belt hung haphazardly from her womanly hips. His eyes roamed over her body. He realized that she had lost weight… she was too thin… but as beautiful and mysterious as ever.

He shook his head and flash her a smile. "Come in! You look like you're freezing."

With small nod in his direction she walked in and Roy closed the door leading her to small living-room and gesturing her to sit on a small couch.

"So…" Roy said as they both sat on the couch side by side.

"So…" Raven mimicked him. "You've grown… last time I had seen you, you were as short as Ro-"She stopped herself before the name could fell from her lips.

"… Robin…" Roy finished her sentence with a sad smile.

"Yeah, Robin…" The dark woman repeated.

"Raven… why you are here…? I mean…"

_**And so it is  
the shorter story**_

"Your eyes are blue… they're blue, " Raven stated and Roy's hand reached up to his eyes only to find no white fabric that normally covered his eyes.

"I've always thought your eyes would be green or hazel, but they're… blue… blue enough to break your heart." She mumbled the last part.

Roy regarded her for a moment before letting out a small sigh, "Why are you here?"

"It's… today, it's his… birthday… it's Robin's birthday… you're the only who knows that…" She seemed to choke on her words and Roy felt sympathy wash over him for the beautiful woman sitting next to him, but it faded away as fast as it had occurred.

"Why now… why today…?" His voice came out harsher than he had intended to. "You could have come last year or the year before that or all the other times during past five years. Why. Now?"

Raven just looked away from him and at the old clock on the wall behind him. "I… I… just thought that you…" She trailed off and Roy realized how small and broken her voice sounded… so unusual her normal monotone voice. "I don't know what I thought and I don't really know why I'm here… it just seemed so right… I'm sorry…"

_**No love no glory  
No hero in her skies**_

"Dammit, Raven! Stop that… stop doing like you are the only one who misses him." Roy shouted suddenly and as perverse as it sounded he was actually happy to see her flinch away. "You ran away… you just ran away…. without thinking about the ones you left behind… you just ran away… and now, you are back to tell me that it's his birthday…?"

_**  
**_

She opened her mouth to tell him something, but he just waved her off. "You can't even look at me, Raven…" The red-haired man shook his head – defeated and tried. "You can't even look into my eyes…"

_**I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
**_

Raven's eyes stared at her hands in her lap before she looked up and her eyes met his… violet met blue for the first time in five years.

"You were his best-friend," She said quietly as his icy-blue eyes bored into her soul.

"I don't understa-" Roy said, confused.

"He… Robin… was your best-friend," She repeated firmly, her eyes never leaving his… and slowly he began to realize. He realized why she was here, he realized why in the past five years he had never heard anything from her, but had to ask the others how she was doing… he realized why she ran away.

_**I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off you  
**_

"You're a fool, Raven. You can't really think… you idiot!"

"It was my fault!" Raven spat out, eyes hard and cold. "He… he… died… because of me…" Raven's voice softened and so did her eyes. She allowed him a look into her heart and soul.

"He died because a criminal killed him!" Roy corrected her and he was surprised how calm his voice sounded – surprised that he could bring out those words at all.

"He died because he tried to protect me… the fool, he…" Raven finally averted her eyes from him.

"Robin… Richard – he loved you, Raven. He loved you so very much…" It was the only thing he could tell her… the only thing that made sense… the only thing that had ever made sense.

_**I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes**_

"Yes, he loved me… and he died… he just… died… he promised… promised to stay with me forever…" Her voice broke on her bitterness, but Roy knew that he couldn't do anything… anything to make her feel… better…

"You know, love is selfish that way…" He said after a moment and he knew that he had surprised her, because Raven looked up at him, startled.

"It tests the strength of our souls with the hardship it brings. Some people never pass the tests it throws at us while others do." Roy smiled at her and his hand found hers and he was happy that she didn't flinch away from his touch. "That was what Robin… had taught me, you know…"

_**And so it is  
Just like you said it should be **_

He felt her small hands clutching at his larger one as she opened her mouth to say something, "I just miss him so much… I… I… thought when I would go away – when I would leave Jump City and all the memories behind me… then … maybe… I could forget and it wouldn't hurt that much… but it still hurts…" She laughed sadly and her hands tightened around his´," "I can still feel the last time he pressed his lips to my lips and his last farewell to me… and I fear that I have never really told him how much I loved… love him… how much he meant to me… "

_**We'll both forget the breeze  
Most of the time **_

Roy's finger's traced over her cheek, "He knew that… believe me, he knew how much you loved him. He was so happy with you…"

Raven smiled shakily at him and her hand brushed over his arm and suddenly, Raven's empathy went nuts. Visions streamed through her head… thousands of images, memories, thoughts, and feelings… anything floating around loose flowed out of Roy and into Raven's soul self, along with fragments of her very essence:

_For a moment, Roy was in the solace of his dark room, huddled in the corner, crying… _

_Roy leaned over throwing up until tears began to fall down…_

_Roy sweating heavily, a shot pushed through his veins, breaking the skin…_

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**_And so it is  
The colder water _**

Raven's head jerked up while her hand tightened around his arm. Her chest was heaving almost painfully.

Tenderly she rolled up his sleeves and looked down at his arms.

Scars… so many scars adored his arms.

Some on the verge of fading away and other ones staring angrily at her. Her small slender fingers traced over a scar on his wrist and she felt him shiver under his touch.

"Roy, I'm so-"

But the man silenced her with a finger on her lips, "Raven, don't… don't say you're sorry – don't pity me – just hate me…" He was almost pleading with her and Raven could easily feel the self-disgust and hate rolling off of him.

Raven smiled up at him shaking her head, "I could heal them… if you want…"

"No!" His voice firm and hard, "No…" He repeated more softly.

She just nodded, "I understand…"

"You do?" The question wasn't meant as harsh and hard as it came out, but Raven knew that.

"The scars… they are a reminder – a reminder of the faults you did… the sins you've committed. They help you to remember why… why you are still a hero… why you are still alive…"

_**The blower's daughter  
The pupil in denial  
**_

Roy knew that she wasn't only talking about him anymore. In a certain way, she had to endure and live with same scars as he did… and maybe hers were more painful, because every time she wanted to remember them, she had to remember… **_him_** – she had to remember Robin.

"We can talk about all that later." Roy finally said.

"Later…?"

Roy fidgeted and looked at her nervously. "I mean, it's already over midnight and it's raining and I thought you could stay… here…"

It was funny to see the usually cocky man being nervous, Raven could get used to it. "So basically, you want me to stay here – with you in your apartment…?"

He knew she was teasing him and he liked it and it made him feel better that _**she** _was feeling better. "Yeah… you could sleep in my bed… alone of course and I'll take the couch…"

"No," Raven shook her head and Roy felt his heart tighten in his chest. He didn't really know why… maybe because he wanted her to stay with him…? Maybe because he didn't want her to be alone?

_**I can't take my eyes off you  
I can't take my eyes off you   
I can't take my eyes  
**_

"No, it's only fair when I sleep on the couch…" She finished and her lips curved up in a 'I-got-ya' – grin.

The only thing he did was to roll his eyes. "I didn't know you could be sooo funny!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Arrow Boy!" Raven said playfully and she couldn't help herself, but smile as his eyes widened in surprise.

"Arrow Boy…?" He asked unbelievingly, "I'm definitely not a boy anymore… that should be obvious – even to you." Roy fumed in mock-anger and gestured widely at himself.

A smack on his head with a hand formed out of dark-energy was his answer… followed by a pouted, "Ow…"

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_Leave me in the dark with you, Robin. I don't want to leave your side--_

_I sat on the hard bench. I felt no longer earthed… just lost. I did not remember where my dreams began and my world ended._

_It was an empty chapel, a tapestry of white with golden crosses.  
_

_All the others stood and walked over to view the sleeping face of the man we all loved.  
_

_I stood up and walked to the casket to see your face for the last time, for one last memory to be held with you so close, and yet so far. _

_I wanted to tell you how much Beast Boy had matured and what a wonderful leader Cyborg was and how many people had come to your funeral. I wanted to tell you that I miss you already and bury my face in your chest. But most importantly, I wanted to say hello instead of goodbye._

_One step…_

_Robin's sleeping._

_One glance…_

_Wake Robin up!_

_I reached out…_

_You are so peaceful._

_Laying down the single marigold…  
_

_You are far away from the pain now, no one can harm you._

_I leaned forward…_

_All my heart on that small flower._

_Kissing your cheek…_

_All my dreams to be buried in sleep with you, Robin._

_"I love you, Robin."_

_**Did I say that I love you?  
Did I say that I want to?  
Leave it all behind?**_

_Can I sleep in your coffin with you? Can I give you the warmth you no longer have on those cold cheeks? Why can't I wake you from your dreams? Why can't I join you in your sleep?_

_"Rae, let's go."_

_I could've stood there for eternity, but the firm hand on my shoulder turned me away. I grasped Speedy´s hand, walking in silence out the door, leaving Robin behind. He had no need to drift away, I was already too far to see his face. I had already laid down my heart with his within that coffin._

_Goodbye, Robin._

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Raven awoke with a start… the nightmares started to claw at her and the tears soaked through her pillow.

For a moment, she sat there… in the darkness – her memories the only thing that kept her awake… kept her alive…

_**I can't take my mind off you  
I can't take my mind off you   
I can't take my mind  
**_

Silently, she tiptoed to his room… to Roy's room. He was still asleep, motionless in the darkness.

She felt jealous for his ability to sleep and dream, but then she remembered the way he had suffered… the way he had cried…

Raven sat down fearfully at the edge of his bed and trembled and trembled and tried to hold back the tears…

It was just some moments later, Roy woke up and stared at her through the ebony shadows.

It occurred to her that he didn't seem surprised or shocked… but she was shocked as she felt his strong arms wrapping around her shoulder.

Without any hesitation Raven buried her face in his chest and for the first time in years, she let the tears fall from her eyes… the tears, she had thought she had ran out, but it did not stop them from falling and shattering like her broken heart.

_**My mind  
My mind  
'til I find somebody new**_

And together they held each other hoping for the power and strength to change and rise above the memories of yesterdays.

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_**A/N: **Ok, that was it… so, how did you like it…?_

_Just tell me the hard, cruel truth… I can deal with it…_

_I know that Raven seems OOC… ok, ok she is totally OOC, but… yeah… I have no real excuse for it…_

_I love this song and I always wanted to write something to this song… I don't know why I'm telling you this, but you can ignore it if you want to…_

_The story could be continued… if you want that… I mean, I have some ideas for the future of the story, but it would take a while before I could write the next chapter… so, tell me what you think… okay…_

_Anyway, I really hope you all liked this ad don't forget to review… if you want to…_

_Until next chapter…_

_Alena_


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